[	How Feel I	|	content	]
[	What Hear I	|	Gogol Bordello	]

The trip to Chicago was amazing. There were of course a few disappointments, but for the most part it was wonderful. (Wicked! Elphaba!!!!!) I met someone while I was there, on a tour as we were, she was from Wisconsin. I had seen her while walking around and ended up being behind her in line at Starbucks where we chatted about striped tights. Later that night, at Wicked...she was sitting three rows directly in front of me. 
And I said nothing. (headdesk)
Anyway, I saw my fill of classic art at AI, then got a smattering of my favourite Surrealists! I heard someone behind me saying "How Can that be art?" As said to those who criticized the Dadaist sculpture "Fountain": He signed it, displayed it out of its usual setting, gave it meaning, and called it art. 

Last weekend was the play...we did amazingly well. I have a bit about censorship that I'll do later in regards to this play.

Solo competition was yesterday, as a school we dominated. I got 1s on my solo and triple trio as most people did on their respective events.

I slept for 14 hours last night (hahaha) which is why I am awake now instead of at noon. I awoke with the craving to watch the movie Grease, and I am now off to do just that.

Another pointless entry brought to you by: BREAD!

[

How Feel I

|

Artfully Disgruntled

]

After seven days without the luxury of being able to flush the toilet, do laundry, or access eBay...thousands of volts are now flowing through tiny wires and making my life considerably more bearable. 

Suicide Mission yesterday: We were dismissed from school at noon because of coming bad weather, so what do Shelby, Dustin, and I do? We drive the 50 miles to Ames to go shopping. (Not that we actually bought anything.) As we get on the highway to go home, we notice that there really is no road, just a slightly dirtier white strip. At one point we were in the wrong lane doing a full 360 rotation. (If car ice dancing was an olympic sport, we would have taken gold.) Thanks to Dustin's artful driving, we arrived to our 'home-zone' safely. I then get a call saying that I cannot come home. For one, I live in the middle of nowhere, no one on the road had electricity yet, and the street had blown closed with snow. I ended up having to stay with Shelby for the night. (Not that I mind.) 
Her step-mother, Kim, even made sure I had some vegetarian food to eat.

I have a political rant to put up that I quickly scribbled while very cold over the week...laziness prevents me from finding it at the moment. 

I don't think anyone should really mind, I mean who wants to hear about American politics?

[	How Feel I	|	blah	]
[	What Hear I	|	Waiting - Shiny Toy Guns	]

acted?

I've just updated two days ago, so I'm not sure why I feel the need to do it again, but heh...my journal.

I've run for the first time in ages today. Not that I'm a big fan of organized sport, but I do enjoy the jogging down the road. It is a delicious feeling when your lungs ache with the freezing air you fill them with. I didn't do much, it was getting dark and I prefer not to be outside alone in the dark with no method of defense but a cell phone. (What am I supposed to do? Call home and take a picture of my killer?)

Alright, so in practice today we were on the gym stage rehearsing, and a girl who's using the floor for hurdles decides she'll just strip in the corner. (She was actually fully clothed the whole time, but still removing bits.) I was the only one to see and was a bit distracted because...well, you don't see that in the middle of play rehearsal often. (I say nothing about backstage, though...) Because of this, I didn't come in at the right time and when I did, I ended up saying "Talking to our strippers" instead of "Talking to our parents". Heh...I'm really not half as pervy as this makes me sound.

I think that's it.

Don't forget to always give in to temptation. 

To Do (Mar.09)

Tech/Human painting

Book Review

Transformation/Hidden Object Drawing

!LINES!

Angel Poster/Drawing

Myth Visual

2 other Ind. Art 

!Work on the Gurewich!

Triple Trio nonsense

Deconstructed/Reconstructed Book

DaVinci...thing

Ready my horrible little self for Chicago!

So what exactly am I doing here with that list? *asks self* *Self has no answer*

Where would the world be without techno?

[	How Feel I	|	a'twitter	]
[	What Hear I	|	Joy Division - No Love Lost	]

...Dusty and Shelby just left. We watched Party Monster of course; Dustin for the first time. We'd gone out for pizza before and as we waited, we read Grimm's Fairy Tales out loud to each other. ...and before all of this I had been burning incense and making chocolate cupcakes. (Oh yes, as I was told at dinner to the chagrin of the elderly ladies at the table in front of us "You're the Martha Stewart of Hell")
I answer the phone "Hey, you want to get some dinner to celebrate my birthday then watch Party Monster?" Sure...but I do have cupcakes in the oven. 
Bah.
I will one day have two books...the 'bible' of my Cult. (Hehehe....) And a handbook for everything you don't really need to know how to do.
Chapter One. 
How To Bake Paper...*yes, I have a system for this.
Chapter Two. 
How to use rum in any cooking.
Chapter Three.
How to make the best Rum Tart EVER!
Chapter Four
How one turns t-shirts into skirts....

One gets the picture.

Anyway. We compete on the morrow. Meaning I have to arise at 5:15! (......) Although I do love these competitions...all the "freaks" (I lovingly say that...as I'm included in such a group) put on the ritz and parade their acting talent. (Or, in some cases, lack thereof.) I'm already 'atwitter...that 'atwitter that comes from slight caffenation and a bit of nerves. (And knowing I won't get my iPod updated tonight.) 
I'm trying not to be nervous...we didn't do all that bad performing today. Improv was good...ensemble had some flaws, but the audience couldn't tell that. As long as Tyler stays 'drunk' and keeps his hands out of his pockets, we'll be fine. 
Hey, performing got me out of a Geometry test! 

So...goodnight. I have cupcakes to frost, hair to curl...interesting news about Fagoalouitious to ponder...and sleep at some point.

[	How Feel I	|	restless	]
[	What Hear I	|	Echo and the Bunnymen - All My Colors	]

I was sitting down and staring at Junky. I was cold. And it suddenly occured to me that it all means absolutely nothing. Those grades that I was so proud of mean nothing. They show my ability to regurgitate information and charm people. They show nothing of my actual intelligence. There is no way of telling whether I will remember any of it past Thursday or whether I really knew it in the first place. Those letters and numbers cannot show whether I understand, they can only show that I can repeat. I am nothing and they are nothing; A Parrot of information that may or may not exist. 
How can you call it "education"? Is what we "learn" real? How can something be real if it is only a word? 
It all means nothing and everything. 
Society has schooled us to believe that it is everything. I believe it is everything, hence my pride and happiness. A letter that does not exist is the basis of value. But value has no value and does not exist either. Because it means everything, and is the value of everything, and value is nothing...it is nothing.

What is real? If it isn't intelligence because intelligence doesn't exist, then what is it? Does it exist as an idea only? If it does, than it is like religion and religion is questionable. 

What is this? What are these ideas called? Are they intelligence or just thought? 

My eyes hurt.

The human body is such a dirty thing. It secretes oil and sweat. It requires food which means waste. It thrives on some bacteria, but others kill it. It is powered by these tiny cells all working like foxes. It is such a monstrously delicate thing. 

I can't be the first to wish that there was a way to seperate mind from body to be a mind controlling a body instead of a body cotrolling a mind. 

I think I'll finish up my existential angst now.

[	How Feel I	|	annoyed	]
[	What Hear I	|	The Cure _ Pictures	]

Fucking keyboard>

i get to sleep tomorrow>>>the snow>

Today was indeed a very good day. Generally speaking. 

X is speaking to me again, and not just to call me "Miss Lang". We had a little memory session of Black Dahlia and talked of movies. Of course it isn't as "chummy" as it was, but any improvement on that front is welcome! (And indeed that made the first half of my day.) Term grades were given today, which made the rest of my day lovely. As of now, I am ranked first in my class. Woot! 

There was another very relaxing day in art as Deven and I had the room to ourselves as I inked and he animated whilst chatting about music and foreign policy. 

My dear cousin Shelby (who worte that lovely poem) had an affair with one of my shoe boxes this evening It was hilarious! I wish I had had a memory card in my camera to capture her antics! 

I was leaving band this evening with one of my friends, Nathan. As people go, he's rather normal (polo shirt, jeans type kid). A reatired teacher saw us and asked "Going to dinner tonight you two?" AKA, are you going to have a hard fuck in the back of his car? He's a very conservative man, and I had the urge to say "No....I'm queer." I admit to having done that a few times...because I can.
Ha...queer. I like that word. Lesbian and Queer aound better than Gay...why?

I won't start on the cheerleaders tonight...no. I can't make myself sound any more like a teenage boy than I already do. Bah. 

[	How Feel I	|	frustrated	]
[	What Hear I	|	Echo and The Bunnymen - It Was A Pleasure	]

Alright. Let's put a stop to this right now. I DO NOT look like KD Lang, nor do I sound like her. One, I have very long blonde hair, hers is short and darkish. Two, I am quite sure she is taller than me. Three...bah...I don't even know. As much as I may joke about having a "man-voice" and not being able to hit the nigh notes (even on the alto part) in choir...I do not rasp and sound like...well...a man. (Not that she does...I'm off the subject of KD Lang now.) 
I do not rasp! 
I'm wondering why all of this mockery didn't come out a few months ago when I really did sound like a male (very very sick, I was)...instead of now when I actually have some control over my higher register. (Some...)

"Well you always say you're a tenor." No, I say i wish I was a tenor. I would be less self-concious of my overly breathy high register then. 

But alright. You just laugh all you want. 

Anyway. 

I should be in a good mood, I have Echo and the Bunnymen in my ears! 

How utterly pointless was this?

[	How Feel I	|	blah	]
[	What Hear I	|	Merlene Dietrich	]

This is a poem my cousin wrote for me a few months ago...hehehe. I enjoy it.

For Jackie

I love the sound of a whip crack
on the soft skin of the dead man
he wasnt dead when we started
ohh no he was very alive and wanted more
alas the do not call me soul taker for no reason
you''ll be mine forever more
though I cant say why he had to die
he did and I hoped he liked it
had he not died I'd only have broken his heart 
I didn't want him or his money I'm not to be whored 
I loved him to leave him and nothing more
how he left could be considered crime but
I'm not guilty of anything
he wasnt man enought to take it
and so he kicked the bucket
it may be harsh it may just suck
but its not my fault I'm good with tough love

Heh. It made me giggle when she first gave it to me. 
Anyway...enough about whips.

Speaking of the dear cousin...the only picture of she and her girlfriend was taken off of her locker sometime over the weekend. Poor dear... I'll just hope the yearbook staff still has it on the server. 

Blip. 

My delightful list of things I bought yesterday online (I'm a hermit...I don't shop like normal people!)

Junky (by the man who wrote Naked Lunch...bah, can't remember his name...!)
Howl and Other Poems - Allen Ginsberg
Exquisite Corpse - Poppy Z Brite
Killer In Drag - Edward D. Wood (teehee)
Left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin

Foxfire (Angelina Jolie...hehehe)
Heaven Up Here - Echo and the Bunnymen                                                                                                                                                       Substance - Joy Division. 

I've read "Howl", but decided I wanted my own copy... I do love getting large boxes from Barnes and Noble.

I nailed Tank! today in jazz rehearsal..whoot.

Blip.